


safety measures

by suddenlyatiger



Series: not one for long goodbyes [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Awkwardness, M/M, POV Derek Hale, POV Sheriff Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 22:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8818663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suddenlyatiger/pseuds/suddenlyatiger
Summary: John never thought he’d see the day where Derek Hale staring at a display of condoms would mean anything to him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally part of 'not one for long goodbyes' but I decided it worked better on its own.
> 
> This technically can be read as a stand-alone, but does take place after 'not one for long goodbyes' and 'the simplest things'

John Stilinski doesn’t do the grocery shopping often. It’s not that he hates it, it’s just…

 

Yeah, he hates it.

 

He doesn’t like dealing with the ever-rising prices, the confusion between the million different brands, people stopping him every five minutes for a chat (or to complain), and he doesn’t like how much time it takes up. He has so little free time as it is, he’d rather not waste it scowling at two different types of paper towels wondering why one costs double the price of the other even though they both look identical.

 

It’s not his idea of a good time. However, it’s easier to sneak in unhealthy food without Stiles knowing. And John will absolutely take advantage of this blind spot until Stiles gets wind of it and comes in to have a ‘chat’ with the cashiers.

 

He may be in luck this time because Stiles is more distracted than usual these days. John wasn’t exactly over the moon when Stiles started dating Derek Hale, but if it gives him access to junk food for a little while longer he’ll take it.

 

And speaking of Derek Hale, there he is when John turns into the pharmaceutical aisle (high time to restock the first aid kit). Derek is standing at the other end of the aisle, where they keep the…

 

Oh, hell.

 

John never thought he’d see the day where Derek Hale staring at a display of condoms would mean anything to him.

 

Yet, here he is.

 

John doesn’t do anything to call attention to himself, but the sudden tensing of Derek’s person lets him know that he’s been noticed.

 

Because werewolf senses. That’s a thing.

 

It’s pretty funny the way Derek slowly turns to face him, eyes wide and fearful for a few seconds before he can school his features back into a more familiar impassive mask.

 

John wants to laugh, but he’ll have to save it for later. He’s just discovered his son’s boyfriend standing in the condom aisle. He’s pretty sure that gives him licence for a speech of some sort.

 

He’ll try to not enjoy this too much.

 

Derek’s blank expression starts to slip a bit the closer John gets to him. John’s pretty sure he might have stopped breathing by the time they’re standing right next to each other.

 

In front of the condoms.

 

Derek’s ears are starting to go red at the tips. John is secretly delighted.

 

“Hale,” he says.

 

“Sheriff,” Derek forces out. Everything about Derek screams ‘uncomfortable’, from his full-body tenseness to his furrowed eyebrows (Stiles wasn’t kidding about the communication range of those things). John gets a bit of a kick out of intimidating big, bad, scary Derek Hale.

 

Although, most of the time, now included, seeing Derek on edge about some things can take all the wind out of John’s sails. He knows he doesn’t have the whole story (and he probably never will), but listening to the things Stiles doesn’t say is enough for him to infer that Derek has a complicated relationship with sex.

 

He has to be delicate here. He wants Derek to be afraid of him as his boyfriend’s father; but he doesn’t want to go so far as to be someone who Derek is legitimately terrified of.

 

Scaring the boyfriend stops being fun when it crosses the line into being harmful.

 

John sighs. Why couldn’t Stiles go for someone it would be fun to intimidate?

 

Whatever.

 

“Well,” John says. “There’s no way that I can pretend I haven’t seen this. We might as well skip the small talk.”

 

“Sir?” Derek asks.

 

“Are you having sex with my son?” John asks. It’s hard to tell with the scruff in the way, but John is pretty sure that Derek’s cheeks turn red. Derek doesn’t answer right away.

 

“He’s still underage.” Is what he says eventually.

 

“That is true,” John says. “But not what I asked.”

 

“I… no, we aren’t having sex,” Derek says. John believes him (despite their current location).

 

Speaking of.

 

“Any reason you’re in this particular aisle?” John asks. Derek’s gaze travels quickly to the condom display, to John’s face, and then down.

 

“That’s, um… that’s between me and Stiles,” he answers, very nearly mumbling. He continues to not look at John’s face. John gives him a once-over. He could force the issue; pull the ‘boyfriend’s father’ card. Especially since the boyfriend in question is still underage.

 

But John trusts Derek, and he trusts Stiles. He’ll let this one slide. Partly because he’s not sure he really wants to know the details of his son’s sexual exploits (as long as he’s being safe); and partly because Stiles will probably kill him if he makes Derek combust from mortification.

 

Doesn’t stop him from levelling Derek with a stern look.

 

“Fair enough,” he says. “As long as you two are being safe.” Derek nods, expression instantly becoming serious (though his ears are still red).

 

“I won’t hurt him,” he says.

 

“Good man,” John says. He thinks about going in for a hearty slap on the shoulder. But Derek looks tense enough that he stops himself. Derek looks like one wrong move would send him running. So John just nods and moves down the aisle to distract himself with the first aid supplies. He can see Derek out of the corner of his eye, staring at him, but he eventually leaves without saying anything.

 

-[-----]-

 

John doesn’t mention the encounter to Stiles until the next night at dinner (kale, ugh).

 

“So I ran into Derek at the store yesterday,” he says. Stiles pauses with a forkful of food halfway to his mouth. After a few seconds of staring, he lowers it to his plate.

 

“He mentioned that,” he says.

 

“Did he mention what he was looking at at the time?” John asks.

 

“The fact that you’re bringing it up makes me think it was the condoms I sent him for,” Stiles says. John is a bit taken aback by the frank answer. That right there is enough to prove that Stiles and Derek aren’t having sex. Stiles still treats buying lube like a secret mission; and that’s just for his own solo personal use. Mentioning acquiring condoms that he intends to use should at least have him turning a bit red. Right now he’s acting very nonchalant. And it’s genuine.

 

“You’d be right in that assumption,” John says. “Anything I need to be concerned about?”

 

“Your cholesterol levels,” Stiles quips, but he’s smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek drops by the Stilinski house on his way home from the grocery store. As soon as Stiles opens the door, before he has a chance to make sarcastic remarks about Derek actually using the front door, Derek shoves the box of condoms in his hands.

 

“Your dad saw me get these,” he says, as Stiles juggles the box until he gets a grip on it.

 

“What did you tell him?” Stiles asks, seeming very unconcerned.

 

“Nothing,” Derek answers. He’d told the sheriff that the reason he was buying condoms was between him and Stiles. He hadn’t wanted to mention that he has no idea what Stiles wants with condoms (he’d gotten a text earlier that day saying only ‘go get some condoms plz’). Or that he’d been too afraid to ask.

 

“Good,” Stiles says. “Thanks for these.” He gives Derek a quick kiss goodbye on the cheek. The both of them are red in the face while Derek returns to his car and Stiles closes the door.

 

-[-----]-

 

Derek is considering his collection of takeout menus that evening when his phone vibrates with an incoming text. He checks it to find that Stiles has sent him a picture.

 

He has a brief moment of panic thinking that he’s actually been sent a nude (he and Stiles have had this discussion; there will be no nudes being sent until Stiles turns 18. Derek would like to not be arrested… again). He opens the message.

 

The picture does not contain any naked 17-year-olds (Derek is both mildly disappointed and majorly relieved). What he gets instead is a picture of five bananas and one carrot lined up in a row on a table. They all have a condom rolled onto them.

 

Derek blinks down at the picture. He is not at all surprised by this.

 

He sends back two thumbs-up emojis and goes back to his takeout menus.

 

-[-----]-

 

It’s not that John forgot about running into Derek in the condom aisle; but it’s been a few days.

 

So it takes him a minute to figure out what’s going on when he notices the fruit bowl on the counter full of condom-covered bananas (and a carrot, for some reason).

 

He doesn’t know how long they’ve been there. He doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t touch them and leaves the room. He sends a text to Stiles as he goes.

 

_‘Condoms do not belong on the kitchen counter’_

 

A bubble with three dots appears as Stiles starts writing a response. Then the bubble disappears without a message coming in. John figures it’s probably for the best.


End file.
